Obviously a bestseller (of the Richard-and-Judy-and-featured-in-WH-Smith's-window type) needs a bestselling title. After all, what's the point of spending ages writing something if it's not going to sell a shedload and net you a six-figure advance.
Where to find such a title though? Easy - pick a number from 1-50 then pick another from 1-15. OK, you say - 15 and 10.
Your novel is called The Costermonger's Whore (now get writing). Next!
Let me explain how this works - every single bestseller of the last 25 years, without exception (well, there are a couple...), has had a title made up of a profession or activity (generally presumed to be male) followed by a (generally female) relationship to that person.
So, pick a profession, pick a relationship and send me 10% of your royalties in a jiffy bag.
3..2..1..GO!
1 | Acrobat's | 1 | Aunt | |
2 | Actuary's | 2 | Child | |
3 | Advocate's | 3 | Daughter | |
4 | Archbishop's | 4 | Grandmother | |
5 | Architect's | 5 | Herbalist | |
6 | Astrologer's | 6 | Mistress | |
7 | Astronaut's | 7 | Mother | |
8 | Attorney's | 8 | Nanny | |
9 | Barrow Boy's | 9 | Physician | |
10 | Blacksmith's | 10 | Step-child | |
11 | Captain's | 11 | Seamstress | |
12 | Chocolatier's | 12 | Step-Mother | |
13 | Choirmaster's | 13 | Twin | |
14 | Composer's | 14 | Whore | |
15 | Costermonger's | 15 | Wife | |
16 | Courtesan's | |||
17 | Devil's | |||
18 | Draughtsman's | |||
19 | Farrier's | |||
20 | Gardener's | |||
21 | Goalkeeper's | |||
22 | Haberdasher's | |||
23 | Harpoonist's | |||
24 | Herbalist's | |||
25 | Historian's | |||
26 | Industrialist's | |||
27 | Interpreter's | |||
28 | Journeyman's | |||
29 | Librarian's | |||
30 | Mapmaker's | |||
31 | Midshipman's | |||
32 | Novelist's | |||
33 | Obstetrician's | |||
34 | Organist's | |||
35 | Pharmacist's | |||
36 | Physician's | |||
37 | Pilot's | |||
38 | Politician's | |||
39 | Psychic's | |||
40 | Seamstress's | |||
41 | Senator's | |||
42 | Soothsayer's | |||
43 | Surgeon's | |||
44 | Surveyor's | |||
45 | Tinsmith's | |||
46 | Undertaker's | |||
47 | Victualler's | |||
48 | Volcanologist's | |||
49 | Wheelwright's | |||
50 | Zookeeper's |